It’s torture everyday, there can be no running away. Time is my enemy all the hours all the days. Up the stairs at night but no sleep tight. I will bleed I will cry, I will feel like it might make me die. No one will see or hear. The Continue Reading
Comfort in self isolation
During these times of self isolation and social distancing I want to try and contribute something helpful and hopefully comforting. I’ve had experience of being socially isolated and being at home a lot when I’ve been recovering from Complex PTSD. For me it has seemed to be the nature of Continue Reading
Living with Grief
My brother Nick died suddenly in a car accident 20 years ago, he was only 30. I think of him every day . Those years that have passed since he died have not eased any of the longing to have him back , to see him walk in the room Continue Reading
Resistance
Tell me your resistance child. What I hear is Love Talk to me of your sorrow child. What I hear is Love Tell me your dreams and wishes child. What I hear is Love Talk to me about your losses child. What I hear is Love Tell me your story Continue Reading
Raging Love
Burning, running , flowing, cutting, deep, endless RAGE. Savage, freezing , shouting, screaming fucking RAGE. Bloody, broken, drunk and stoned oblivion, fragile, small suicidal RAGE. Breathless, hoarse, wild, roaring RAGE. Lonely, desolate, empty inconsolable RAGE. Crying, weeping hot and sweet, real raw RAGE. This is the internal package my rapists Continue Reading
Snake
Become like a snake, shedding skins, returning to nakedness. Layer upon layer, you will find yourself, travelling through the fire of pain because there is no other way. Hold your hand, steady now, you are young and delicate and you will grow so strong by giving your child a voice. Continue Reading
Odd Beauty
Last week I had a memory, well the final part of a memory that has been working it’s way out of my system for a while now, since December 2019. By my system I mean my mind, body and Soul connection, child and adult, every part of me that feels Continue Reading
Mothering the child.
Many times I’ve just wanted to give up on life . The pain of the abuse seemed overwhelming. I wanted it to stop and translated that into feeling, I want to die. But I would reach that point of wanting no return and realise it was the pain of the Continue Reading
My Truth brings me home.
Home is me , the real me. The me I was not allowed to be. Because I was sexually and physically abused as a child , a small child. I was alone with that truth, it belonged to me and me alone . I had to bear it and carry Continue Reading
Seeing.
Can we see it ? It’s right here. Do we want to see it ? Can we look at what is unbearable for a child ? Unbearable suffering, unbearable pain, unbearable trauma. Child abuse. It’s always been here. Everywhere, every street. Just look. Notice. Seeing is everything , seeing the Continue Reading