Trying to make sense of the truth but there is none. Parents who abuse you. So no parents after all. A life time wondering why ? But then you see there is no understanding. No sense to this truth. The sky is blue today, the sun shining. A smile from Continue Reading
the path back
I’ve not written anything on my blog since May and it feels like such a long time ago, rather than just a few months. I’ve discovered just how disabled with pain I become without any chiropractic treatment, which is what happened because of the lock down. I had my first Continue Reading
definition of a child abuse survivor :
Intensely complicated and complex through circumstances. Wild and anti social designed from rage, born of powerlessness. Too many thoughts. A dreamer and an addict created in the suffering of abandonment. Struggles at night and struggles in the day. Needs to isolate to feel close to Nature then can become like Continue Reading
Living with Grief… continued
I woke up the morning after I found out that my brother had died, and went to the bedroom window staring out on a day that was bright and sunny. Across the road from the high rise I was living in at the time was a garage. Cars lined up Continue Reading
Locked in child abuse
It’s torture everyday, there can be no running away. Time is my enemy all the hours all the days. Up the stairs at night but no sleep tight. I will bleed I will cry, I will feel like it might make me die. No one will see or hear. The Continue Reading
Comfort in self isolation
During these times of self isolation and social distancing I want to try and contribute something helpful and hopefully comforting. I’ve had experience of being socially isolated and being at home a lot when I’ve been recovering from Complex PTSD. For me it has seemed to be the nature of Continue Reading
Living with Grief
My brother Nick died suddenly in a car accident 20 years ago, he was only 30. I think of him every day . Those years that have passed since he died have not eased any of the longing to have him back , to see him walk in the room Continue Reading
Resistance
Tell me your resistance child. What I hear is Love Talk to me of your sorrow child. What I hear is Love Tell me your dreams and wishes child. What I hear is Love Talk to me about your losses child. What I hear is Love Tell me your story Continue Reading
Raging Love
Burning, running , flowing, cutting, deep, endless RAGE. Savage, freezing , shouting, screaming fucking RAGE. Bloody, broken, drunk and stoned oblivion, fragile, small suicidal RAGE. Breathless, hoarse, wild, roaring RAGE. Lonely, desolate, empty inconsolable RAGE. Crying, weeping hot and sweet, real raw RAGE. This is the internal package my rapists Continue Reading
Snake
Become like a snake, shedding skins, returning to nakedness. Layer upon layer, you will find yourself, travelling through the fire of pain because there is no other way. Hold your hand, steady now, you are young and delicate and you will grow so strong by giving your child a voice. Continue Reading