Reality. My depression shows me reality. It still hurts to breathe some days. It hurts to move, to think, to do. Deep within me is sadness that aches and breaks in tears that create yellow light inside me when they fall endlessly. This is love at the end of pain. Continue Reading
Feeling fragile
Depression has crept up on me. It was coming on for a while, but I missed the signs this time. Life has thrown other shit at me recently, so I just kept going. At the end of October I was ambushed by it. I knew these emotions were there. They Continue Reading
the truth will not forget you
The Psychologist John Bowlby stated that children cannot know what they cannot communicate to a parent Having lived this in an abusive childhood I can attest to his words. The odds of claiming the experience of your truth and then voicing it, are against you. For anyone who has grown Continue Reading
who do they see ?
Who do the police see when they interview survivors of child abuse and choose to not believe them? I know this has happened to so many of you, it’s a devastating fact. A common fact. It’s also happened to me. I wasn’t believed. I reported my child abuse to the Continue Reading
rabbit love
Rabbit heart I know you. Sweet soul , wise and still you give so much with your gentle being. Here on the ground we are one. Time has no meaning , there is only now. I was prey once too. I know the earth and what she holds for us, Continue Reading
Storm
I belong to the storm cradled within purple bruised clouds blowing me out across the sky. I am the storm whirring about like the wild wind, above roof tops diving down to the pavements struggling to fly, chaos. A black crow whose wings are pushing out like a jet plane, Continue Reading
Parents who abuse
Trying to make sense of the truth but there is none. Parents who abuse you. So no parents after all. A life time wondering why ? But then you see there is no understanding. No sense to this truth. The sky is blue today, the sun shining. A smile from Continue Reading
the path back
I’ve not written anything on my blog since May and it feels like such a long time ago, rather than just a few months. I’ve discovered just how disabled with pain I become without any chiropractic treatment, which is what happened because of the lock down. I had my first Continue Reading
definition of a child abuse survivor :
Intensely complicated and complex through circumstances. Wild and anti social designed from rage, born of powerlessness. Too many thoughts. A dreamer and an addict created in the suffering of abandonment. Struggles at night and struggles in the day. Needs to isolate to feel close to Nature then can become like Continue Reading
Living with Grief… continued
I woke up the morning after I found out that my brother had died, and went to the bedroom window staring out on a day that was bright and sunny. Across the road from the high rise I was living in at the time was a garage. Cars lined up Continue Reading