Stay alive using dissociation as the means. Forget everything !
Loose yourself in perfectionism, striving to be clever and good, to show the world all is well, and that you are a nice girl.
Reach adolescence to discover drugs and booze, which block memory, depression and emotion
Embark on suicidal addiction death wish, acting out the abuse to try to get someone to see your pain.
Hit rock bottom almost dead and get locked up to dry out and go to rehab
Start to feel emerging emotions and memories of childhood abuse and feel like dying
Discover your rage and feel so alive you believe you can fly
Discover you contain many parts to your personality, which are child parts created in the abuse and that this is called Dissociative Identity Disorder. Get angry about the word disorder. They saved me.
Make a commitment to those parts, that you the adult will do whatever it takes to hear their memories/ stories and hold their feelings.
Take responsibility and do therapy. Loose voice in first sessions through fear installed from abusers.
Continue therapy for years and realise it would have been kinder if you had not survived.
Learn to live with the chronic damage sexual and physical abuse caused you and manage it on a daily basis.
Become very fit through running which represents the obvious
Know and feel that your suffering was beyond the limits of what any human is supposed to tolerate let alone a child, and detach from life in a healthy way, realising only the love for your daughter, your animals and your Soul matter.
Sit on the floor after discovering the whole truth and not know how you have survived, even though you know.
Try to rebuild life, whatever that means, but after all the above just be too exhausted.
Realign with your Soul and realise this is where you are meant to be
Laugh. Especially laugh at yourself.
Stay close to nature every day. Look at the sky and the birds.
Pay attention to your internal world, it is a goldmine
Learn to trust your body. It holds truth which is the magic alchemy needed to recover from child abuse.
Above all be honest with yourself. And this is the really hard part. To survive I had to pretend I had to be dishonest, that was not my fault. Facing up to the truth is brutally painful, but it is the only way I have found brings real freedom from an abusive childhood.
Celebrate yourself and give yourself kindness and love, becoming gentle with yourself , and this is so important. Become gentle.