You can depend on me, said Love. I am the one who goes nowhere, steady, your background, to fall into. Think of me as the universe that lives beyond everything that has ever happened to you, everything that troubles you today. If you like you can walk into me, I am dense, lush, deep green. A forest of pines, of cedars stretching out forever. Some of my trees have stood for hundreds of years, they have been home to many birds, coming, going. The depth of my presence may not be obvious, in fact that is usually the way. But, I am immutable. That is why you made it through, why you still laugh at yourself, and the absurdity of what humans do to each other, especially the most vulnerable, children and animals. Sometimes such terrible things happen, I step in just a little bit more than usual. To catch, to cradle, even though you didn’t know I was there. This place is where you came from after all. Soul does not separate when we arrive, she stays connected to me, through time, space, joy and suffering. You see for me, as Love, there is no death, so it’s very important I help where I can.
I see what others can’t, so I watched your loneliness. I felt it, when you thought you were sat in a cold doorway, freezing to death. That thread of hope in your imagination, that was me all along. Keeping a tiny flame under you. The darker it got, did you know I took your hand? Because you never gave up did you ? In the screaming, of those primal needs, ignored, so raw a million voices rose chaotically, competing to be heard. I heard, when you had to play deaf and forget them all. All the times you played dead, curled up, almost of reach, but I was there. In your breathing, through your mind, at the end of the light. Which grew. Nothing died that night did it ? I know they took. They murdered, they stole everything you were. Degraded you down into the ground, until you thought nothing was left of you, as you longed for an end. Blood, dust, shit all ground together, all the biology, the senses wish to shut down. The base human functions turned against us, so our shame grips us, we shake with it. The horror of being so powerless. Yet, still a heart beat, a breath floating off into the light. Somehow you survived. Yes darling that was me.I could not let you go. Timing is everything, as I watched you fight I saw how much you wanted to notice all the goodness, how you searched for it, despite all evidence in earthly reality it did not exist.
I know you remember your dreams. I dreamt with you. Very often you fell so far in your dreams, watching families that seemed so happy, so loving. Yes, you watched them from a distance. You tried to run away too, over the fields, under the trees. You didn’t get very far, but I helped you find a wood full of bluebells, where you would sit for hours, alone, young, but inspired by the breeze of a Summer’s day swaying tiny purple flowers. Moving them. In these moments, small, your’s to feel, there was joy. It came in. It held open a door to that forest within you. Me. Love. I would never deny you, never. So, today you can return to this wild place whenever you need. I am always here, waiting to comfort, to console. And I showed you through all that pain of healing, through the many memories, you will to return to me. Eventually. I waited for you sweet one. I waited . Now you can lie back in my arms. All the work, the soul ripping pain was for this. To be reunited. Us. You and I. Love, I was here all along. Small children need to know me, but sometimes they have to wait until they are older children to find me. You found me, I protected you when you didn’t know I was there, now you know I was there all along. Longings like your’s belong to me. Tears fall, I wish they could all know this power, this soul we can live from , if we dare, as all children should be free to dare.