The girl dreamt of the moon last night. Its huge, glittering beauty beaming golden light down on her small face, her eyes looking up in loving amazement at its splendour, its size in the night. The moon filled the sky, it was a Super Moon, a gift to all the Continue Reading
the long goodbye
It’s been a long time since I saw you. I think about you most days, I wish it wasn’t that way. We didn’t say goodbye did we ? Because I had to leave as I did, I have been saying goodbye ever since. Hours turning into days, days into all Continue Reading
tidal waves of love and tears
Last night I dreamt of the Australian ocean. I was paddling in the turquoise blue water, diving under to swim far out, watching the beach. So pristine, so clear a day, just perfect. I felt so happy, so content. Then I was walking on my favourite trail along the coastal Continue Reading
nightmare exhaustion
So you think to yourself how much more ? How much longer ? Your brain doesn’t work properly because you’re tired, and you’re wired from the anxiety caused by the nightmare. Your trauma response is to freeze, your brain shuts down, you can’t think. You want to be creative, to Continue Reading
What I have lost I carry within
I grew up in Australia from the age of 14. It’s my home, the one I lost without a choice. It was stolen from me when I had to leave, as I’ve written about here before. I miss it every day, but it became so painful to miss, I had Continue Reading
flashbacks, memories and love
Flashbacks are living, breathing experiences, memories from my childhood which arise in my body and mind. When they are arriving, they bring an energy which is surprising and can feel very uncomfortable, but not always. The energy they unlock can feel very powerful in a good way. The urge to Continue Reading
speaking out about the taboo of organised ritual abuse
Not that long ago I started sharing about the true nature of the abuse I suffered as a child. Or rather I started to call it what it really was, without the fear of not being believed, or judged as crazy. Those concerns I had fell away the more trauma Continue Reading
On the subject of feeling
She asked me how I felt and I responded with angry. But she wouldn’t accept that. I was in for a tussle. Sister Rosemary was the one in charge and she was about to take me on a journey of revelation and discovery. I was sitting among a group of Continue Reading
Staying curious, how asking questions has helped me recover
I like to question mostly everything. It’s part of who I am and it developed as a coping mechanism from not understanding what was happening to me when I was a child. Questioning helped me see my childhood abuse for what it was. A madness that I could not accept. Continue Reading
This is grief, the aftermath of leaving an abusive family
It’s not over when you leave. If only it were that simple. You leave, get on with your life and never think about them again. You’re safe so you don’t give them a second thought. As anyone who has had to leave an abusive family behind knows, this is not Continue Reading
what I know about leaving an abusive family
I still can’t believe I was able to do it. Leave all of my family behind, basically escape, that’s how dangerous they were. Now I can actually look back to what I had to do to leave, for the safety of my daughter and myself, it seems an impossible task. Continue Reading